Every now and then my host father from Baan Laem Chong Thanon will cross my mind. His gentleness, his kind eyes, his warm smile. And I still feel that intense surge of gratefulness for all that he’s showed me, and all that he’s given to us. I still feel myself tearing up slightly when I think about it at times. Thank you, kop khun kha, once again.


Took a long weekend off school. 
Right now I’m just tired 😦 It’s probably time to catch up with 4 weeks’ worth of school. Enough hopping around for this week. Have not been getting sufficient rest and I’m getting cranky at this point. STILL, I AM DETERMINED TO BLOG
When I was all chirpy and excited, this was what I wrote:
I love, love, love that there are so so many nice people in the world. You see, I’m so lucky, so so lucky for so many strangers’ kindness – I will pass it on if I get the chance, thank you, thank yous

I was sitting below the London eye and Darius showed me around the area of Big Ben and told me about some local history. I mean really, really what are the chances?! And learning about Lithuanian culture – names and surnames of the married and unmarried.

Thank you strangers, for showing me how beautiful the world can be

Now grumpy self says: Siangyee ah, pls take care of yourself and watch out. Follow your instincts. But well having hopped on a 445am megabus I reached London at 8am and had 6 hours to kill before meeting Lyn. So it was really nice to have some company. 
Westminster Abbey

So odd that we were sitting there, in London, talking about life. Who would have known really. In fact, who knew this year of mine could ever happen. Still feels like a dream, almost 

 Not Camden, not Portobello, but BOROUGH market
 following Marcus’s accurate instincts


Krakow is a beautiful city and I cannot be more blessed to be sitting here, in Kasia’s beautiful apartment, typing while snuggled under a blanket in her artfully decorated living room. 
Nat King Cole along with other oldies play in the background meanwhile…
Grainy snaps from my iPhone camera-

At another crossroads of my life, I think. Help me, I say. Help me.

the pleasing reds of the UK

Falling in love with the UK, falling in love with the “darling”, “love”, “sweetheart”, “marvelous”, “excellent” – how effortlessly sweet-sounding, mood-lifting 🙂

falling in love with time, and the slow ticking of every second (a shadow of anxiety lingers – please don’t let this end)

 So many films to watch, books to read, movies to download, tv shows to catch up on, things to understand – the USSR, Lenin, Scotland’s independence just off the top of my head now, and maybe a couple of North Korea documentaries.

Can never quite get over the ball of nerves that toss around frantically upon take off

Bye for now, London, I think to myself as I watch the Lilliputian cars swerve around th e curves 
I’m going to be so terribly sad on my last flight. I know its nearing, it is. Im trying hard not to think about that.
17 oct 2013
Icons were really important, I thought as I sat in Starbucks and watched the red buses of London roll by. Even the street signs have a distinctive character of sorts. The iconic red telephone booths. It makes you feel acquainted with a place, a cosiness, familiarity. 


It is all at once magical, overwhelming and also disappointing, the feelings melding into one ball that stuck like a lump inside my chest. To see them 5 feet before me, reading poems aloud, and to see that they are… Human. The masters of creations, the powerful words weaved within their brilliant writings that had the ability to evoke my tears, drive my brain into a whirlpool, have my beating heart helplessly entagled and squeezed dry for a moment in time – and to see that they are… (only?) Human

I needed to read more poetry, I decided. I had a copy of Plath’s Ariel stuffed in my SG cupboard somewhere, and at that point I chided myself for not having brought it. How nice it would be to read a poem a night, to let the words sink into my head and float around lazily just before I go to bed, so when I wake up they mash together to form a nest of meaning and I’d open my eyes, enlightened once more.

 Jackie Kay / Ali Smith

o. m. g.

Ughhhh sincerely sincerely wish I had bothered to look nicer today because IT IS NOT EVERYDAY THAT YOU GET TO MEET FAMOUS WRITERSSSSS -hyperventilates-

Because I know my sister would have loved it just as much…… sigh

And as I lay in bed that night I couldn’t stop smiling to myself because tonight, a dream has been fulfilled

notes from the session:
She knew the ending

That it was about waiting 
A negative space 
With pictures you can make time stop
Do you think people constantly give up the life they love? 
Wow, you let people decide for you? 
Fine balance btw putting food on table and doing things you love l
People don’t have to be creative in the way w tend to associate creativity with? 
Rather its a daily thing we can do or does? 
It’s freedom, it’s the ability to do something you love, intellectual boundlessness

Leaving with this:

“Do you know what a poem is, Esther?’
No, what?’ I would say.
A piece of dust.’
Then, just as he was smiling and starting to look proud, I would say, ‘So are the cadavers you cut up. So are the people you think you’re curing. They’re dust as dust as dust. I reckon a good poem lasts a whole lot longer than a hundred of those people put together.’
And of course Buddy wouldn’t have any answer to that, because what I said was true. People were made of nothing so much as dust, and I couldn’t see that doctoring all that dust was a bit better than writing poems people would remember and repeat to themselves when they were unhappy or sick or couldn’t sleep.” 

In light of the Manchester Literature Festival

The Hopi, an Indian tribe, have a language as 
sophisticated as ours, but no tenses for past, present 
and future. The division does not exist. What does 
this say about time?

Matter, that thing the most solid and the well-
known, which you are holding in your hands and 
which makes up your body, is now known to be 
mostly empty space. Empty space and points of light. 
What does this say about the reality of the world?

When Harry Met Sally

Such a classic feel-good movie. One of my favourite romance films, no doubt. Such a sucker, HUGE sucker for films like this T.T

Harry: Don’t you have a dark side? No, you’re probably one of those cheerful people who dot their i’s with little hearts. 

Sally: I have just as much of a dark side as the next person! 

Harry: Oh really? When I buy a book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side. Do you ever think about death? 

Sally: Yes… 

Harry: Sure you do – a fleeting thought that drifts in and out of the transom of your mind. I spend hours. I spend days. 

Sally: And you think this makes you a better person? 

Harry: Well…I’m going to be prepared, and you’re not. 

Sally: And in the meantime, you’re going to ruin your whole life waiting for it. 

Harry Burns: Would you like to have dinner?… Just friends.
Sally Albright: I thought you didn’t believe men and women could be friends.
Harry Burns: When did I say that?
Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.
Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that… Yes, that’s right, they can’t be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can… This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted… That doesn’t work either, because what happens then is, the person you’re involved with can’t understand why you need to be friends with the person you’re just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say “No, no, no it’s not true, nothing is missing from the relationship,” the person you’re involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you’re just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let’s face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can’t be friends.