goodbye loughborough

jumping timelines
wrote these months ago, time to pin them upon this virtual tapestry
Monday, January 20, 2014 6:34 AM
My last days in Loughborough have ended this chapter of my life perfectly. I will always, always remember it. Such a bittersweet feeling, saying goodbye. 
But I laughed so, so much it’s like we were drunk people shrieking and stumbling on the streets, laughing
One of those moments where you’re laughing so hard you’re gasping for air
Drunk, high 
On the infinite light-heartedness of that moment
I was happy
I love moments like this because I think that even when I look back I’ll still laugh hard at that memory, like laughing at a memory of you laughing

When we first sat under the autumn tree
When it was time to leave

My present self misses this very much
Picnic night – it must have been one of the fun(niest) moments of my life
around the bright full moon was a circular ring of light – it was amazing and when we googled it was some sort of PHENOMENAAAAAA


such a useful duvet this has been hehehhee

ugh, the ‘pearls’ we tried to cook…… miserably failed

specially bought these MR HAPPY SOCCER BALLS YOGURT!!!!!

so there we were, lying on the duvet in the middle of the field on a winter night, under the moonlit night
we lifted the other end of the duvet to cover ourselves in the freezing night
at one point i was laughing so hard at the thought that we were, well, sleeping on a duvet and using it to cover ourselves, in the middle of the field – it was so hilarious i wonder if we’d do this in the day
knowing us we just might HAHHAHA
isn’t this incredibly romantic? i remember Helen commented. Yeah, i would love to do this with my future boyfriend *we giggled*
omg, i was so so happy :’))))
We thought back to the first night we met, spinning on that field
Star-gazing and just talking and talking and suddenly it was 1+am
Where did time go?
I wrote a cheesy post in late November about our meeting that night, which I titled ‘explosion’ (yes, cheesy):
‘if i had a word to describe tonight:
fireworks; magic
at that point, i decided to pause my Grey’s Anatomy (that I had spent the whole noon crying over), and walk down to collect my laundry
and then we met. And then the sun had set and it was midnight and we were walking in the large rugby fields, and we sat down at the slightly damp grass and looked at the orange skies in the distance, and we looked up and saw stars peeking from behind the clouds, 
and we linked arms and walked home, 
and then it was 2
How is it that sometimes a connection is so quickly formed between some people, and for others it just never happens? How does that work? The complementary vibes? They call it “clicking”, “same frequency”, “similar vibes” – how does that work, does our body release tendrils which we then seek to find a similar other? 
– In a matter of a single minute, and that to me is amazing
Happy Helen, Helen who loves the skies and vintage markets and polaroid cameras and beautiful things, Helen who goes to the library, Helen who gets lost while wandering the streets at night
Tonight we’re both happy, and we both feel lucky, because we found each other 🙂 I don’t know how things will go, but tonight was lovely, and it is a night we both will remember. ‘

Truly, truly thankful to have shared our friendship :’) Late night conversations in my room, fretting about life problems, giggling, taking pictures, talking to funny strangers, following strangers home (LOLLLL), getting drunk, splitting at the pathway between our blocks, linking arms in the cold, listening to music late at night, getting lost (me), pizzas, pumpkin carving, london trip, seriously, seriously, seriously, I’ve been so happy :’)

we’re such horrible kidssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss pls pardon our youthful ignorance
Tuesday, December 10, 2013 6:05 PM
Laura, one of my favorite people in Loughborough. Me and the Spanish kids, we are so absolutely clueless in class it’s hilarious. People move to the seats and turn on the computers and we stare at each other, with no idea what to do. And I can speak English, gosh I know for me it’s no excuse. But I actually love the times where we look at each other with a knowing glance, then burst out giggling helplessly because we have no fucking clue what Keely is going on about. LOL.
After-class coffee on Tuesdays. Talking about things, about Spain, about Singapore, about school, about family

And now when I read back I still remember that feeling I got when I stumbled home, my mind was in a half-blur because everything happened so quick, but this was the day that shaped the rest of my Loughborough ‘life’ so to speak. 
The thing about virtual connections is that… the separation never really feels eternal. A part of me (80%) is almost absolutely certain that Helen and I will see each other again, sometime in the next 10 years. And that this does not end here. 🙂
With flights and virtual connections it’s hard to feel like the ties are completely severed, communication remains instantaneous if you really want to, much unlike the past where snail-mail might take months, and a visit might take years and lots of hard work. I wonder how the people of that time felt when they were saying Goodbye and moving forth to somewhere 14 hours away? That ‘last goodbye’, last hug, ‘lasts’ of everything about a person – the possibility of receiving updates about people is so much harder, the separation hits so much closer
I’m sad that I’m leaving, but I’m so, so happy and thankful for what we shared, because what we share as students cannot be replicated in the later years, I think. Meeting someone from School holds a special significance, it feels like we met when we were in the process of growing up, and so when we meet each other again years later, we feel like we watched each other grow
Someday we’ll see each other again. 🙂

I love this so, so SO much it’s absolutely gorgeous and I’ve been eyeing Rob Ryan for so long, I was disappointed that I couldn’t get to his shop but I actually own something by him today :’) Thank you so much helen
bye telford

the last of my posts on exchange :'(

i remain struck with that pang of longing every now and then. will always be thankful for this one beautiful chapter in my life.

final sunset in loughborough

21 jan 2013
ILO ILO on the plane

Very laudable use of silence in the film – how poignant silence can be, how silence in itself speaks of a turmoil of emotions

I am home, and I have missed you, these thoughts unwittingly creeping up on my mind as the plane was set to land. ‘Welcome to Singapore’, an overhead voice calls out. Singaporean, I scrawled these words on the landing card, the written words holding more meaning to me than before. 

Post-exchange blues oozing out right about… now

photo by cher

I can’t hold it in anymore – I miss exchange so sorely, so very much. 😥

I tell myself to be forward-looking, to not dwell too much upon the nostalgic past because I don’t want to compromise on the present in lamenting overwhelmingly upon the beautiful days. But awhile ago I caught sight of a line by Plath: “I fell into bed again this morning, begging for sleep, withdrawing into the dark, warm, fetid escape from action, from responsibility” How much these words speak to me!

Those colder days where I snuggled under the covers at ease (my precious duvet!) being able to wake up with no urgency at all. I would lie awake in the mornings, dawdle for abit (or longer), and get up only when I wanted to. In these heavier times now, I am filled with a deep sense of longing to take flight again, to leave and prance around in foreign lands with a wonderment and awe of everything that’s due to happen. Ah, that sweet, temporal escape from routine and reality…

For now, though, I’m stuck behind the assignments and the deadlines and the laptop with the erratic trackpad. I know, I know, it pretty much ends next Friday, just a little short s t r e t c h now.

Whenever I walk into the supermarket and look at the bananas and grapes I just think so fondly of the Loughborough Town Hall and the lovely Fruits Lady who gave me apricots and the blueberries and raspberries and grapes – I never knew the NTUC grapes were so expensive in comparison!!! Sigh. 
When will I return to (rather, recreate another of) that chapter of my life again? I can’t help but wonder. 


We have the most amazing chats, we do.
Tonight we talked about Time. Time and the semblance of it. Time as a creation, a manmade construction – i pointed out as i thought about the Daylight Saving Time. Time as malleable, shifting, changing if we all agree. Time as a provision for structure.
She pointed out the existence of the sundial, how even if Time and its Hours – 1 o’clock, 2 o’clock – ceased to exist, there would still be Time. Because of Daytime, and Nighttime, we would know of Time’s passing (shadows), and to do as according to what Day/Night- time suggests.
Then as we walked along the roads of the University with quiet raindrops and a dark path ahead, we wondered what if Daytime and Nighttime ceased to exist. Picturing an Eternal Nighttime,
‘life would be bleak, dark, meaningless, an endless vortex of sorts’
we wouldn’t know of Time’s passing, we would walk on endlessly. We wouldn’t go for lectures (even if someone waves a torch for every lecture slot, we wouldn’t have time to prepare – we wouldn’t know of Time’s passing – five minutes, ten), we wouldn’t be able to meet people, we wouldn’t know what we’re doing, what to do, except that we’re walking, walking and slowly crinkling and growing old…
Sometimes walking with Helen is so poetic it feels like something out of a book. I don’t know if it’s just… her, or is this the way people in the UK / British speak? Sentences that jump straight from a book, a film I’ve watched before. The things we do – sitting on the bench under the rain, linking arms and getting lost just for the sake of it, lying under an autumn tree, racing along the grass patch in the night, stargazing, …
‘…You can step into the same river, but you cannot step into the same water’.


Halloween was, frankly, crazy and cringe-worthy, but it’s also one of the nights i will remember most about Loughborough. Seriously, recounting the night makes me laugh, in a shake-head-and-chuckle kind of way. – sniggering to self now – 

To sum up the night, Helen and I never made it to the party. Instead, we found ourselves playing chess and checkers with a Joker… and the rest is history. HAHAHHAHAAH
It was a crazy night. Nuff’ said.

The next day we cheered ourselves up by some PUMPKIN CARVING!!!! The first pumpkin I’ve ever carved, and probably the last 😦 Still, lugging that heavy pumpkin all the way back killed my arms and I’m happy it turned out so beautiful :’)

so you scrape… and you scrape…

our proud masterpiece :’)
On the third day, to fully utilize our beautiful pumpkin, we went for a picnic at midnight in the fields of Loughborough. It was drizzling slightly, but it was alright; we had pizza, we had music, and we had our pumpkin glowing in the night. Above us, some stars winked from behind the clouds.

Happy, good night(s). 🙂